The Thoughts of an Educated Young African American Male

Go Ahead, Get Low, and Consent to the Touch

Lil John told females to ” bend over to the front, touch your toes, bounce that ass up and down and get low.”  They responded in droves.  In young African American society, it is common place for clubs and parties to mirror strip clubs.  Dancing has involved from a seductive form of affection to outright simulated sex.  Yet, I consistently hear the argument from females that “I don’t understand why guys touch all over me and ask me for sex in the club.” The basis for my argument is twofold. First, I will explore the legality of touching women and if it amounts to an assault or common law battery. Second, I will address the degradation of our African American youth by acting in such overly sexual ways in public.  

In the legal word, a common law battery occurs when a person, for purposes of this discussion a male,  acts intending to cause a harmful or offensive contact with the person of another or a third person, and a harmful or offensive contact with the person of the other directly or indirectly results.

There is no question that the unwanted touching of a woman justifies a battery, and in most jurisdictions, the statutory crime of assault on a female. However, a defense to battery is “consent.” There are two types of consent, express and implied.  Express intent is when one overtly states that is acceptable to perform the touch that would otherwise,  in the context of this discussion,  be offensive.  Implied consent exist when the consent is formed from one’s conduct. This implied consent is what is at issue. Does the conduct of some women in club settings give implied consent to touching? I believe the answer is in the affirmative. 

For the conduct to rise to the level of implied consent I believe four factors must exist. Many women claim that these factors are a matter of right, and that they do not deserve certain treatment because they allow themselves to fit in these categories. However, it should be noted that for implied consent the test is an objective one. That is, would a “reasonable person” believe that they are consenting to the activity based on the conduct.  It is not a subjective standard of “what I personally intended to consent to by my actions.” Thus, for women who say it is my right to participate in the factors, I respond by saying simply that it is not about what you personally intended by engaging in the factors. Instead, it is what a reasonable person would intend and expect based on the conduct. If a woman brought a legal claim, would she be successful?  

At the outset of my listing of factors, it should be known I believe any factor, standing alone, does not give rise to consent. Instead, at least two or more need to be present for the implied consent to be attached to the act.

With that said, the factors I believe rise to the level of implied consent for women to be touched in a club include: (1) clothing which overly exposes the body; (2) dancing with anyone (male or female) in a style which simulates a sex act; (3) dancing in the manner described in (2) to music with highly suggestive sexual lyrics and ; (4) touching of the dance partners body parts. Each factor will receive an individual analysis.

Factor 1 – Clothing which overly exposes the body 

There is no doubt that men love to see scantly clad women. It is also known that local stores sell women’s’ cloths where skirts get shorter by the summer, and tops seem to reveal more of girls’ breast. Such is a matter of taste, and does not normally reveal anything that would amount to indecent exposure.

 

I believe such attire standing alone, is appropriate to wear in a club. There is a truth that in clubs, where intoxicating substances and consumed, that wearing such revealing cloths can have the dual effect of: (1) giving men an impression that you are loose and; (2) exposing more of yourself to strangers than you would normally do. This over exposure has the effect of saying, “Hey! Look at my ass!” Or, “Hey, look, my breast are out!” Surely enough, men get that message.

 

Even if that is not the message a woman is not trying to send, that is the message that is being received. Woman often take the position of, “It’s not my fault men look, I’m just here to chill with my girls.” This may be true, but a woman’s image and dignity is in her control. Don’t get mad if men take away the wrong message from the type of cloths you wear. Women have the right to wear what they want. Men have the right to interpret what ever signals they believe appropriate from what the woman wears.

Factor 2 – Dancing With Anyone (male or female) in a Style Which Simulates a Sex Act 

In an era of MTV, BET Uncut, and rap music from the southern regions tailored to strip clubs, there has been a vast movement in which dancing has become simulated sex. This is not suggestive, intimate, or sensual dancing. This form of dance includes females hands and/or  backs on the floor, mens pelvic regions firmly pressed against a females corresponding region or buttocks, and movement which essentially simulates sex acts. (See YouTube video below for an example) Often, a person can observe a man pick up a woman and bounce her on his pelvic region. In fact, men standing on walls, the traditional ‘wall flower,’ can now be found at his usual spot with a girl in front of him gyrating her buttocks on him. 

 

Again, this can lead to unintended consequences. First, if a woman simulates sex with one person, most other guys are going to want to simulate the sex act with you too.  This is because in a young teenage logical analysis, simulated sex leads to actual sex. In other words,  a teenage boy will think, “if she will grind her ass on me in front of these two hundred people in the club, imagine what she will do with me in private!”

 

Second, such loose behavior with strangers opens you up to contact with people whom you would not ordinarily include in your personal circle.  For example, clubs which are 18 and up do not just include college students.  Many of the men in these clubs are old, grown men. Why are they there? Because the ten dollars to get in the club is cheaper than getting in a strip club.  And, the benefits are greater. Women grind on men for free.  A guy may even get a phone number out of the deal.  If he’s lucky, the girl is as slutty as she dances.  So in essence,  while the girl may think she is just dancing and having a good time,  she is being set up by pedophiles all under the guise of a good time in the club.

 

Third, when a woman has her butt gyrating on a man’s penis, simulating a sex act, it is natural for the man to believe that it is appropriate to touch the woman. After all, the man’s sex organ is being purposefully stimulated.  If women do not wish to do this, then don’t grind on the male.  Once upon a time, men and women danced without being joined at the hips.  Going back to the implied consent theory, the woman’s act of stimulating the man’s penis leads the man to believe, objectively, that she consents to be touched. Therefore, he may touch the girls buttocks, her breast, and at a minimum, her hips to grind harder.  If women to not want to be touched, then the obvious remedy is to not dance so suggestively with men.  

Factor 3 – Dancing To Music with Highly Suggestive Sexual Lyrics 

Today’s music, rap specifically, has gotten to the point where there is no simile or metaphor. Marvin Gay sang of “love” and R&B singers of the 60’s and 70’s sang of “groovin.” Today, rappers sing songs with hooks like “Girl gimme dat pu***,” “back that ass up,” and “fu**in’ you tonight.” Also, in videos, rappers are seen with women who, in real life are strippers, dance like strippers and make it seem like it is the status quo to do so.  The result, women in clubs dance to songs which imply that they are easy.

 

Would a black person ride in their car blasting old speeches of David Duke, or the Grand Wizard of the KKK? Obviously not, and the reason is simply they do not adopt their views, and do not want others to think they agree with their ideology.  So, what is different when a rapper says “girl gimme that pussy” and women rush to the dance floor. Are women sending the message that they do not condone men making comments which are similar to the words of a rapist?  No, they are essentially signaling that they agree with the message.  Thus, they agree with the hard tone rappers take toward women, they agree that they should be giving it up (sex), and they are implying that they want to be touched.  The argument that “I just like the beat” is not enough. In fact, it is a weak argument.  Women should be more conscious than that.  Look beyond the beat.  What is the song saying? Do you adopt those views?  If you want to dance to such songs, know that others will believe that you condone what is said.  Again, would an African American go to a Klan meeting?  Similarly, if you do not adopt the views of certain rappers,  do not go to their concerts and clubs that play their music.

Factor 4: The Touching of the Dance Partners’ Body Parts 

This is obvious and will not receive much attention. Some women dance in such awkward positions and in such a way, that it is necessary to grab a man’s thigh, waste, on grab his back. Sometimes, this touching is just intentional without the need for assistance. Regardless, this only further leads to the act simulating sex, giving the male the idea that it is reasonable to touch the corresponding body part of the female.

Putting It All Together 

In sum, the four factors, in any cobination, would lead an objective person to believe that a woman consents to being touched in the club. Not all four need to exist, but at least two of them do. The question then becomes, how long does this consent last?  Women may concede that there is an implied consent when dancing, and thus, this blog is a waste of time!  However, many women will say that the consent does not extend past the dance.  I believe that this could be true but is not usually the case.  If a woman dances suggestively and then goes and sits down,  I believe they does not want to be touched again.  However, if a woman leaves one man for another, song after song, with the factors as described above, then I believe she is essentially consenting to be touched by anyone while she is on the dance floor.  Thus, a woman should not get mad if she has been grindin’ on men all night long and then gets her buttocks grabbed when she is walking though a crowd.  I believe the consent ends when the woman attempts to leave the dance floor, when the women expressly says do not touch me, or when the music stops and the club is over.

I believe that when women adhere to any combination of the above mentioned four factors, they in fact consent to being touched in a club and could not successfully win a legal claim for battery based on a touch in a club or club like setting.

For an example of the factors in action, minus the dancing with a partner, please watch the video below. 

 

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October 11, 2006 - Posted by | African American, Black men, Black women, club, college, HBCU, hip hop, Law, Law School, rap, teens, torts, university

16 Comments »

  1. wow what a great post —
    you are opening the door on why so many young people have such a poor emotional and intellectual understanding of sex, sexuality and sexual health.

    Yet, I consistently hear the argument from females that “I don’t understand why guys touch all over me and ask me for sex in the club.”

    –When females make statements like this I really want to pull them aside and call ‘shenanigans!’ They revel in the attention but refuse to acknowledge that their actions have ramifications. It’s immature and exhausting to deal with females like this and I really don’t know why most men even bother.

    Comment by I am not Star Jones | October 15, 2006 | Reply

  2. While I agree that a lot of what goes on in nightclubs is in poor taste– based entirely off of my own personal aesthetics, rather than some hard and fast rule sent down from the heavens — I disagree that women should simply expect and accept unwanted touches from strange men. This sounds like the same bullshit that gets thrown at rape victims: i.e., “You were wearing a miniskirt, in public, at night, so what did you expect?”

    If I walk into a club wearing nothing but pasties and a thong, nobody has the right to put their hands on me, unless invited. It’s not something that “men can’t help,” because if I were a performer with a giant guy named Tiny guarding me, they’d certainly not have an issue keeping their hands off of me then.

    If a man misinteprets a woman’s style of dancing as an invitation to touch her, all she should have to do is reject his advance ONCE. If he persists, he should be punished. Dividing women into “sluts” and “good girls” and then parceling out their civil rights accordingly does nothing to uplift the state of women of any color.

    Comment by Kim | October 15, 2006 | Reply

  3. i totally agree with what kim said up there. saying that women are asking for it when they dance in a club or dress a certain way is too simplistic and does more harm than good. making men to be powerless to control themselves or just acting on instinct is a way of trying to excuse the mysoginistc behavior that goes on. men are thinking, intelligent beings and for you to insunuate that they are allowed to grab a random woman’s ass in the club because they have a right to and girls should expect it is sad. sad and wrong.

    i will reitarate what kim said, this is hte same justification that people like to give for rape.

    Comment by sugarbear | October 15, 2006 | Reply

  4. Great feedback! Let me respond.

    (1) “I disagree that women should simply expect and accept unwanted touches from strange men.”

    Reply – The point of the article was that the touch is not unwanted. From a legal perspective, I argue that women actually consent to the touch. In a sense, they say, when I act like this, I give you permission to touch me.

    (2) “If I walk into a club wearing nothing but pasties and a thong, nobody has the right to put their hands on me, unless invited.”

    Reply – I agree. In fact, in my article, I say that any one factor alone does not give rise to the consent I addressed. I said that clothing is a matter of taste, but coupled with the other factors it gives rise to the consent.

    (3) It’s not something that “men can’t help,”

    Reply – I agree that men have the choice. The question is do women give a reasonable person the idea that it is ok to touch. In your hypothetical about Tiny, probably a strip club setting, the club sets rigid rules about not touching the women. The club lets it be expressly known that touching is not tolerated. If you have Tony in the club while you dress liberally, than you are expressly telling people you do not want to be touched. There is nothing wrong with that.

    (4) “If a man misinteprets a woman’s style of dancing as an invitation to touch her, all she should have to do is reject his advance ONCE.”

    Reply – Again, I agree. See the bottom of the article where I wrote that women can revoke the consent by expressly telling a man she does not want to be touched.

    (5) “Dividing women into “sluts” and “good girls” and then parceling out their civil rights accordingly does nothing to uplift the state of women of any color.”

    Reply – I believe pointing out that certain behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable does uplift the state of women with color. Appeasing, and accepting our loose youth behavior does not uplift.

    (6)”This is the same justification that people like to give for rape.”

    Reply – There is no justification for rape. Rape is wrong, however, in our justice system, men are allowed to refute the claim. Living in Durham, NC, we have a high profile rape going on right now. The men involved were convicted before they went to trial. Now that more alleged “facts” have come to light, there is almost a silence about the case. Again, this is not a justification for men to grab girls asses in clubs. It is, however, a justification for women to stop acting a fool in public. Yes, they have that right. But, legally, in my opinion, acting in such a manner gives men an objective reason to believe it is appropriate to touch them, not rape them.

    I do feel, as I said in the article, that such behavior puts women in more positions to be around rapist. Yes, the men should still goto jail, but women should not want to risk going through such a painful and tramatic experience just to exercise thier right of dancing like a hoe.

    Again, thanks for visiting and taking thetime to post a comment.

    Comment by youngblackman | October 15, 2006 | Reply

  5. Youngblackman, the major problem with your line of thought is that you are using a patriarchal framework. In that framework, women are to conduct themselves in a particular manner, i.e., they should not dance in a way that may be construed as sexual, and they should not display their bodies. This is just one of the many ways that women and their sexuality are controlled. Patriarchy draws distinctions between “hoes” and “good girls” to frighten, the victimize and to foster discord and set up a hierarchy among women.

    Black women, in particular, have been victimized by these distinctions. Historically in America, we have been relegated to the hoe section: it was this status that made it alright for white men to rape black women without fear of retribution, while a black man could be hung if he so much as LOOKED at a the “good” white women.

    Women are more than their sexuality and their body. When a woman is performing a dance like the one in the video, she is still as much of a person as anyone else. Your reasoning relies on the belief that a woman is only as good as how few men she has allowed to lay between her thighs, and if it’s aassumed that she has been around the block too many times, suddenly she is beyond being treated with respect.

    And I wonder why you’re not saying anything about the men? These women are not dancing alone. If the women are hoes with no self-respect for dancing, surely the men are AT LEAST as equally hoeish with no self respect for enjoying it and trying touch them? Funny… when men assert their sexual selves, they’re just being men. When a woman does it, she’s a hoe.

    Comment by Kim | October 15, 2006 | Reply

  6. I’m totally with Kim. IF you expect your words to have weight then the words of these women have the same. IF she rolls into the club with nothing but a belly chain and proceeds to make even the best passa passa dancer rub their backs in imaginied agony. if the woman says no.

    IT means NO

    Finally a legal consent stands for what ?

    It’s a a smokescreen argument that has been stretched past all recognition. THe fact that in NO other legal trial can ” implied” consent be used to negate verbal and physical rejection says large amounts about what our legal system thinks of women.

    Why most any woman curb her behavior or desired form of expression for the ” uplift “/

    Mind you what is uplift.

    Is uplift the regualtion of behaviors till they are inline with a code designed not by the members of society it self but by a lrger already predisposed to prejuidical structure.

    So yeha I’ m with kim

    Why is uplift ont applied to the men in your words?

    And why is uplift so tired to middle class puritan type values?

    Especiallya unfair unballanced underdeveloped legal code?

    Comment by Blackamazon | October 15, 2006 | Reply

  7. Why are you posting responses on MY page? They belong here and don’t make any sense in my comments. Pasting your responses:

    I believe the problem is that people want to use ideological arguments to defend the fact that their is a problem with the over-sexualizing of African Americans in our society. Mostly, we play right into those roles.

    I am not trying to draw a line between hoes and good girls. Read my article. I say thst women can where what they want. It is acombinaiton of factors that leads to the issue. It seems that you fight for the right for black women to dance the way the girl in the You Tube video does. But, you know thatsuch behavior is detrimental to her development as a person and a strong black woman.

    I agree that women are more than their sexuality. My point is, act like it. Don’t only display your body and sexuality in clubs, especially to the excess ofgirls similar to the one in the You Tube video.

    As for men, one post at a time sweet heart. The point of this article was, as was said at the start, was to address why some one get groped in the club.

    And, I’m not calling these girls hoes. I am saying that they should be mad if they look the part and get portrayed that way.

    Thanks for visiting the site. Also, thanks for the comment, though I disagree. You claim it is the same bullshit said about rape victims. I disagree. I said if a woman does more than one of the factors she is asking to be touched. Implied consent is a legal theory, not me talking out of my ass.

    Did you wath the video? Is that respectable? If you believe so, there probably isn’t much more to debate about. We will just have to agree to disagree.

    The piece was for women to gain some sense of self and stop looking and acting like strippers in the club, and then get mad when they are treated as such.

    It’s about accountability. It seems your argument is that, women can’t help but to look, dance, and act like sluts so men are wrong for treating them like that.”

    I stand by my work. I encourage you to tell others about the site. What do your friends think?

    Comment by Kim | October 16, 2006 | Reply

  8. you analysis is really interesting. i have a friend from college who had been consistently sexually assaulted as a child and was in at that time in an abusive relationship. when she was reflecting on why she had allowed so many things to take place in the relationship, she said she just let the guy do things to her because she had never felt like her body belonged to her. i say all of that because i wonder if many women experience a similar sort of disembodiment that lead to the events that are the very cause of your original post.

    Comment by nitevision | October 23, 2006 | Reply

  9. OH. WOW. Well, first I have to say that I will think twice about my actions the next time I decide to grind at a club. And second, I thought I had some moves, but dyamn!

    However, I feel like this is similar to a discussion on rape. I.e. — girl dressed a certain way, ergo she brought it on herself. I personally have been groped while dancing at a club, and though I repeatedly pulled the boy’s hand away, he continued, so I left him; tell me why he followed? Did his intoxication, and my lack of any alcohol in my body, inform his actions and my reactions? I agree that to some extent, individuals are responsible for their own safety, and dancing like that girl in that video might just raise *more* than a few eyebrows. But in the end, it would be hard for me to agree that just because a woman consents to dancing in a sexual nature, however awkward the “position,” it is not an extension for men to touch her as such.

    Comment by mudphudhendi | November 5, 2006 | Reply

  10. […] I love rap music. I love listening to it, dancing to it, rapping along with it – both in public and in the privacy of my own room. Now, this post has me thinking about whether it’s right at all for me – a woman – to enjoy a genre of music which often objectifies and degrades my gender. […]

    Pingback by Move, Bitch! « Han’s Musings | November 6, 2006 | Reply

  11. Brother, I agree with you. It’s an uncomfortable truth. Sisters just need to accept it. It’s time that sisters take some time to really think about the choices that they are making.

    Am I letting brothers off the hook? Absolutely not… But sisters are often the victims. Is it the woman’s fault for being victimized? No… But sometimes different choices put us in the position to be abused or taken advantage of.

    All I’m saying is that sisters have to make better choices. We have to accept that actions lead to reaction. If you want to change the reaction, then change the actions.

    Comment by Angie Braden | March 21, 2007 | Reply

  12. “Factor 1 – Clothing which overly exposes the body

    There is no doubt that men love to see scantly clad women. It is also known that local stores sell women’s’ cloths where skirts get shorter by the summer, and tops seem to reveal more of girls’ breast. Such is a matter of taste, and does not normally reveal anything that would amount to indecent exposure.

    I believe such attire standing alone, is appropriate to wear in a club. There is a truth that in clubs, where intoxicating substances and consumed, that wearing such revealing cloths can have the dual effect of: (1) giving men an impression that you are loose and; (2) exposing more of yourself to strangers than you would normally do. This over exposure has the effect of saying, “Hey! Look at my ass!” Or, “Hey, look, my breast are out!” Surely enough, men get that message.

    Even if that is not the message a woman is not trying to send, that is the message that is being received. Woman often take the position of, “It’s not my fault men look, I’m just here to chill with my girls.” This may be true, but a woman’s image and dignity is in her control. Don’t get mad if men take away the wrong message from the type of cloths you wear. Women have the right to wear what they want. Men have the right to interpret what ever signals they believe appropriate from what the woman wears.”

    So.

    If I were to go to a club today, in 2007 America, and wear the type of clothes that I would wear to a club that I would have worn 20 years ago (i.e., lovely lady-like dress that covers all my body except my face, hands, and feet in high-heels, then men at the clubs would ask me to dance? If I was to dance with a man in a non-sexually suggestive way, but, only with face-to-face bodies erect, standing tall, and dancing the merengue, salsa, tango and any type of ballroom dancing, I would find men who knew how to respectfully dance with me? If I was to go to a club today, wearing my hair the way God made it (Afro) then men in the clubs would give me a holla? If I was to go to the clubs today and smile demurely, be ladylike, talk calmly and quietly, give eye contact to men in a flirtatious, non-sexually gratuitous way, the men would give me the time of day?

    What I am saying is that IF I was to enter a club today, I would still be the same person now in how I comport myself as I was then when I went to 2 or 3 clubs in the past.

    I know that I do not have to strip naked to get a man’s attention, but, then again, that is the way that I was brought up. To always respect myself in each and every situation in life. I would feel ill at ease, not to mention, sick to my stomach, if I went into a club wearing nothing but practically a G-string outfit. Yep, that’s not my style, nor my character, that’s just the way I am. If a man cannot accept a woman who dresses sensibly and not in a slutty way, and he writes her off as not of any use to him because she did not leave half her wardrobe at home and wore nothing but her underwear out in public, well then, that man is not a man to me. If he cannot sit down and converse with me, listen to me, and get to know me as a person, then he is not worth wasting my time with.

    I do not care for whores and sluts (men) either, just so you know. It goes both ways, but, then again, I guess I am one of those unusual black women out there who actually thinks that human beings should have respect for themselves on both sides of the coin (men AND women).

    “There is no doubt that men love to see scantly clad women.”

    Great. Fine.

    But, that does not mean a woman has to dress-less because of what a man wants. Men love for women to go down on them and have sex on the first date….but….that does not mean it should be done. Just because someone in Hell wants ice water does not mean they will get it. A woman can make herself look absolutely stunning in a head-to-toe dress that is right for her build/weight/figure, and can STILL turn the heads of men. And anyone who says different, is lying to you. (Not to mention the fact that that particularly lady will be the only one in the club with not just real style, but, she will epitomize a woman who calls her own shots; a woman who does not follow the stupid-lemming crowd.) There is a lot of truth to the old saying, “A clothed body leaves a lot to the imagination”, and scantily clad bodies leave nothing wahtsoever to the imagination.

    “I believe such attire standing alone, is appropriate to wear in a club. There is a truth that in clubs, where intoxicating substances and consumed, that wearing such revealing cloths can have the dual effect of: (1) giving men an impression that you are loose and; (2) exposing more of yourself to strangers than you would normally do. This over exposure has the effect of saying, “Hey! Look at my ass!” Or, “Hey, look, my breast are out!” Surely enough, men get that message.”

    I understand the psychology behind why some young women dress this way, especially young black women. The way this society marginalizes, erases, and treats black women as if we are INVISIBLE, many young black women who dress this way are in effect saying, “Hey! Look at me! Don’t I have some standing in your eyes?” But, these young black women are going about it the wrong way. Dressing less and less will not get them the recognition as human beings, it will not get them the respectful attention, it will not get them validation as women. It will only get them the wrong mistreatment from men. I know that this society has done a hellava job in all it can to beat down black women and destroy their image in many people’s minds: White men started it first (heck, they were the original ones who first started calling us “hos” [whores] and “bitches” [nigger bitches], and that did not destroy black women. Then white men, who control the media, started in with the commercials that lauded blonde/redhead white women’s beauty, and that was another beatdown from the dominant society. Now, we have the black/thug/rappers out there who have picked up the white man’s filthy banner in calling ALL black women hos and bitches [wonder how they treat/greet their own mothers?], to where today’s young black women feel they must stoop to the level of filth [snoopy dog, enema, etc.,] in order to get a man’s attention. They do not have to lower themselves so. No man is worth degrading yourself to get his attention. Any man who cannot treat you as a lady and a human being when you are fully dressed at a club, is not a man in my mind, and he obviously does not have the balls to be a man if the only way he can give a woman his attention is if she walked on the dance floor in only her bra and panties.

    “This may be true, but a woman’s image and dignity is in her control.”

    I’ve always been a firm believer in that. I control my image; not white men, not black men, not ANY man.
    I control what I will do. I will not stoop to a low level for ANY man. I will, I have, and I do command respect from ALL men [even to the point of presenting my hand for men to kiss, and you should see the looks of incredulity on their faces when I do this; I wait for the man to open the door for me, when I am able to; I slow down when walking on a sidewalk, to let the man walking towards me move to the OUTSIDE of the sidewalk facing the street so that I am on the INSIDE of the sidewalk farthest away from the street and traffic. You should see the looks on the faces of men when I do that!]. But, then again, that’s just me. A dinosaur, an anachronistic throwback to a bygone time when men wore hats, and ladies knew how to put a man in his place with her dignity, her respect and love of herself.

    It goes both ways.

    Ladies cannot stoop to the level of men, roll around in the dirt, and expect to get up and get on with their lives the way men are allowed. Men are allowed to be filthy; women are not. And women should not want to stoop to a low level. Once down to that level, it is hard to get back up in a good standing in your own eyes, not to mention a good standing in the prying eyes of the world. Ladies should not stoop to the level of men. They owe themselves more than that. Women have power over men with our bodies, and we should never forget that. We are more superior to men, and we should not be ashamed to accept that fact.

    But, now don’t get me wrong. Just because a woman dresses from head-to-toe does not mean that there will not be men out there who will not disrespect a woman. Any man who puts his hands on a woman who is dressed to the nines, is nothing but a piece of filth in his outlook on women, and would not have respected the woman in any way, no matter what she was wearing. Some men think that because of the lies society has told them that because they are men that they are better than women, and can do anything they want to a woman, so these men show no respect to any woman. A woman can have respect for herself, but, still be treated as less than by all men, no matter how ladylike and well-clothed she is. (Black women in America know full well of what I speak.) Some men just don’t give a damn about a woman’s feelings, body or regard for her thoughts. Some men are just selfish creatures who think only of themselves. And what woman in her right mind wants to have anything with such a man?

    We should cease casting our pearls before swine for it will get us nowhere but down in the gutter.

    I know that as a woman I have qualities that men will never have.

    And I am not in any way ready to denigrate what makes me unique as a woman.

    If a woman wants respect, she must command it.

    If a man wants a lady’s attention, he should be as respectful to her as he would want her to be towards him. If a man wants my respect, he must earn it, just as he must earn a right to touch my body by treating me as a human being when I present myself to him as a lady, a woman and a person with a mind and a body to be honored and respected.

    Comment by Ann | June 22, 2007 | Reply

  13. hey all, I was wondering if anyone experiences with online dating could recomend a good site. If not I was gonna go with singlesnet
    best to ask the community before I dive head first…thanks.

    Comment by jamiejnbb | October 10, 2007 | Reply

  14. hey all, I was just wondering if those get paid to answer surveys sites are legit or not. any have experience? please share, thanks
    kelly

    Comment by kellybbelly | October 28, 2007 | Reply

  15. So I caught my husband looking at live adult webcams.
    what do i do? punish him?
    thanks for advice,
    randi

    Comment by randirhodez | November 5, 2007 | Reply

  16. I was wondering what some of the more mature members here do about dating. It seems much harder for older singles to find a mate, so I might be turning to online dating for older singles.
    any suggestions? thanks.

    Comment by francinedd | November 7, 2007 | Reply


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